Time? What time do we have?

Time. The universal elixir for pain and grief. Or so the saying goes. Time heals all wounds, soothes the soul's agony. Makes everything spiffy clean and groovy given enough patience and strength. I know there is truth to this belief, yet it brings me no relief. Wounds may heal, bruises and injuries mend. Some wounds scar over though, and never truly heal. There are lines that should never be crossed. And after stepping past that proverbial line in the sand, there is no going back, no matter how bad i want to.  I've crossed this infamous point of no return. Swept away by a whirlwind, that has left me in this faraway and destitute place. My own personal wasteland, scorched and godforsaken. Lingering on the fringes, scorned and alone.  And no matter how hard i try to justify and rationalize what happened, there's no shelter for me here. There is no escaping this nightmare. Victim of a cruel fate, yet i created this reality.

I broke the link in a chain that encompassed my entire life, past, present and future.  Our lives, intertwined in the complex web of modern humanity. The people within, the relationships, the only place I've ever really been at ease, the only place i have ever truly belonged. I've always been an outsider in life, a lonely brigand, watching from a distance, but i found a home with these people. This tapestry was beautiful, it was fucking sacred. It was the only real thing that defined me, the only thing I've ever really loved. And i fucking went and stained it. Cut the very foundation that my life rested on. Stained this beautiful and unique circle of lifelong friendship. I betrayed the bonds of brotherhood. I am the weakness and frailty of mankind. I am the pathetic punchline to proverbs and fairy tales. The flaw of humanity is manifest here within. And let me tell you, its devastating, completely and utterly. I wish i was a sociopath, that this didn't hurt so bad, i really do. I know I'm a "good" person, with good intentions for the world, for humanity, for the people around me. And i fucked up. Really really badly. And i know that i will never be able to forget this. As months slur to years this will stay with me, time's medicine be damned. Maybe someday I'll be forgiven. But i know i will never forgive myself.